, ____, ( 24/08/01 anada416 , / \ ,_____ (--|_\_,,_, _ _| _ __________ ,-.______ _,---._ __ _/ \ / \+------ _| ) | |(_|(_|(_|_ .net------/ )----.-' `./-/ \ / / ( |__, ( ( ,' `/ /| \ / \ `-" \'\ / | \ / "Blog Jam" `. , \ \ / | Y-------- ----------/`. ,'-`----Y | / by Infernal ( ; mEoW!@/| ' i________________________________________________| ,-. ,-'_______/ | / | | | ( * | / |____________________ Anada is cat-friendly! __) |__\ `.___________|/ `--' `--' 7/1/01 Oh, wow, what a miserable day. I went down to the mailbox and there was NOTHING -- nothing at all from my Amazon.com wish list in there. What's wrong with you people? I get 26,500 hits a week on this site and none of my fans cares enough to buy me any $40 hardback poetry and art books? Honestly, I wonder why I engage in the free expression of my thoughts if you chintzy bastards aren't gonna get me stuff. So then me and DrContext349 chatted for like six hours about how shitty everyone else's blogs are, and how they never do anything noteworthy, and if they did they still couldn't write their way out a paper sack. But what sucked was, about 4:00 I realized I'd forgotten to tape Animaniacs! AND I was supposed to go fill out some unemployment forms, or call them and tell them I was looking for a job, or something, and I forgot. So I went down to the Kwik Stop and got some Haagen-Daaz and a bottle of wine, and I sat out on the deck with my leatherbound journal to write some poems, but I ended up just doodling in the margins and spilling wine on my new top. I swear, my life is like a death march through a gas chamber, or something. I wonder about traffic cones. 7/2/01 My roommate is so stupid. She stepped on my Radiohead CD-R today, and then she gave me, like, a dollar to replace it. I was like "what about how long it took me to download it, bitch?" She said something about the back rent and I got mad and left. Walked down to the park to people-watch but all the people were gross or weird or ugly. That always happens -- I try to people-watch, because I think it's gonna make me a better writer, and then I get to where I'm going and the people are just all wrong. I mean, I've got some Anne Geddes prints in my room, but all the babies and moms I see in the park are yelling, red-faced, dirty and gross. I don't get it! I left ten minutes later (I knew Rachel would be going to work at Starbuck's so she'd be gone) then I bought some cookies and a six-pack of Tequiza at the Kwik Stop. Chatted with this guy all night who said he was a bisexual writer who knew Steve Buscemi, and then emailed me a picture of his dick. What a loser. 7/3/01 I had a job interview scheduled for today, but I was so hung over and sick I couldn't go. The unemployment lady called again, and I told her I was the maid. I used a Spanish accent and stuff, but I don't think she fell for it. Oh!!!!! Big news!!!!! One of you awesome readers sent me a present! It was this book off my wish list, a book by Thoreau about a pond. I totally identify with Thoreau because I heard he quit his job and lived by a pond and wrote, and I would love to do that when my career is off the ground and I can take some vacation time! If I wasn't stuck in the city, I'd have some awesome stuff to write about. Nature is so inspirational, you know? Instead of a pond, though, I might pick a pool, because there the water's chlorinated, you know? Anyway, I was all set with a bottle of wine and some Combos (brain fuel!) to read this book, but then Rachel came home from a double shift and was slumping around like she owned the place. She flipped on the TV and flounced down on the couch, and she was such a buzzkill that I couldn't concentrate on anything but the TV shows. I swear on my life, that was the most vapid, dull, stupid five hours of television I've ever seen. I can't believe anyone watches it! Got drunk and chatted with DrContext349 about the upcoming redesign of his blog. I can't wait! He's so cool! 7/4/01 Off to my mom's for the weekend! Keep sending me presents! 7/7/01 Oh. My. GOD. Where do I start? First of all, my mom was almost an hour late picking me up, and it almost rained. I mean, yeah, I was still at home and it didn't actually rain, but what if I'd been stuck outside and it had? I could have died! She told me to "calm down and try to have a nice weekend for once." Whatever, bitch. Then, after the longest, most boring drive EVER, we get home, and I get the double whammy. Not only did Mom turn my old room into -- get this -- a SEWING room -- she packed all my stuff in boxes because, sound the trumpets, we're bringing it BACK to the city with me when she brings me home! Hello?? "Honey, you're 26," she tries on me, and I come back with "never too late to kick your daughter out of your life, huh mom?" Score! Then she says she thought I was being "unfair" and that she deserved to have more room at the house for herself since I'd been moved out for five years. So yeah, dear readers, I'm now stuck with BOXES of my old childhood crap. They're piled up all over my room and out in the living room, and man, Rachel's gonna kill me when she gets home. This is one of the few times I wish I had a job to go to, just to get out of here. So instead I'm gonna go down to this Irish bar down the block -- I've never been in there, but it's Sunday night, it can't be too crazy. I'll hang out there, have a few drinks, and come home after Rachel's asleep. 7/9/01 I can't believe how fucked up the last two days have been. I got really wasted at that Irish bar -- this really cute older guy was buying me shot after shot, and I didn't want to be rude! But then I was pretty wobbly, so he volunteered to give me a ride back to my doorstep. After a few minutes, though, I noticed he was going the wrong way. Boy, was he embarrassed to have made such a wrong turn! But he said he was a little drunk too, and now we were closer to his place than mine, and he wasn't trying to be a creep or anything but it'd probably be safer if we just went to his place. I can sense a pervert a mile and a half away, but this guy seemed really sweet, so we went to his place (it seemed like it took, like, an hour to get there, but I was pretty drunk), and we passed out. I woke up naked, which freaked me out, but he said I'd stripped and gotten into bed after he gave me the bed and went to sleep on the couch, so that was cool. He gave me a ride home, and even gave me his phone number! What a gentleman! I might call him, but I have to ask DrContext349 what part of town the "555" numbers are in -- if he lives too far off the bus line I don't want to mess with another "long distance relationship"!!! So anyhow, I get in the door, and it's pitch dark in the apartment. Shit!! I was supposed to pay the electric bill, that's my big responsibility. I know Rachel gave me her half of it last month, but I don't remember how much it was or anything. Luckily, the phone still worked, so I found Rachel's emergency credit card in her underwear drawer (lucky for me she doesn't go online to read my blog, huh?) and called the electric company to turn it back on. They did, but not till almost ten that night, and by that time all this ice cream had melted in the freezer and dripped down all over the fridge and stuff. Now you know how much I hate to clean, so I turned off the fridge after the power was back on, and crawled into bed and acted like I was asleep. When Rachel got home I heard her go into the kitchen and yell "what the FUCK?" but when she came in and tried to wake me up, I scrunched my eyes real tight and pretended I was sound asleep. Later, I heard her cleaning up the mess and throwing away all the spoiled food and stuff, and I could finally go to sleep. What a day!! I swear, God's out to give me a hemmorhage or something, I mean it. 7/12/01 Slept till 4. Tried to read that Thoreau book but it was really boring (sorry, anonymous fan guy). I told Rachel I didn't know anything about the fridge yesterday, but I don't know if she bought it or not. Am I gonna have to find another roommate? This sucks! 7/13/01 I tried to meet Drcontext349 today for lunch but I overslept, then I took the wrong bus and ended up clear across town. I stopped in a Kwik Stop over there to buy some wine and I thought I saw that guy from the other night, but he acted like he didn't know me, so it must have been some other guy. I sat in a park over there and drank the wine, and then I tried to get on the bus home and the bus driver said I 'stank like ripple' and wouldn't let me on. What??? I ended up calling a cab and having them drop me off around the block from the apartment, then getting out and running like hell. I twisted my ankle running up the steps -- life is just out to get me, I'm telling you. 7/16/01 I went to the unemployment office today, but two numbers before mine was called, I had a total panic attack. At least I think that's what it was -- I got really hot and felt weird, so I left. I had lunch at Pizza Isle and walked home, thinking about this great idea for a short story about people who are born in a line, like the line at the unemployment office, but the line never moves and they never see anything from any other perspective. But the walk tired me out, and once I got home and took a nap, I forgot most of it. Drank some of Rachel's Maker's Mark and watched bikini snowboarding on ESPN-2. When did we get cable? 7/17/01 Man, if bad luck was cream cheese, I'd start a celery farm and at least I'd have some snacks. I actually wrote half a page of my novel, the one I want to write about the girl whose blog gets read by a famous movie producer and she gets famous. I was out in the park writing it, and I stopped to take a bite of ice cream, and I accidentally spilled most of the pint (it was all warm and gooshy) all over the page. I couldn't make out a single word! I came home, cried, and polished off Rachel's Maker's Mark. When she got home, we got in a big fight and I ended up bringing up her dead mom just to make her cry. I felt bad about it, but not as bad as this hangover today.... P.S. You know the great thing? If you keep this up for a few months and post the occasional drunken web cam tit shot... THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WILL READ IT. No shit! /\___/\ ____________________________________________________________ /\___/\ \ -.- / \ -.- / `-.^.-' (c) 2001 Anada e'zine by Infernal `-.^.-' /"\ ________________________________________________________________ /"\