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     .* O . .   ..   ..O  ..    391            14 Jul 2001             ) ( ')
   .*   O O* o o  o o  o o  o                                         (  / )
  *  ***O O  O O  O O  O O  O                                          \( _)|
 *      O o  o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net             "Flamingo"                  *
 *      O                                                                   *
  *.    o   |\      _,,,---,,_                                              *
       *    /,`.-'`'    -.  ;-;;,_                                          *
      *    |,4-  ) )-,_..;\ (  `'-'            by Gloomchen                 *
      *   '---''(_/--'  `-'\_)                                      *mE0w*  o
       *.                           .......................................*
         'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`       

        I know too much.

        What you need right now is exactly what I can't provide for you.  You
 need happy joy smiling wonderful optimistic love.  For your own sake, don't
 look in my direction please.  You need to avoid me like you've never avoided
 anyone in your life.

        I have only the darkest of thoughts.  I've seen it on TV and I read
 it every day.  I only see disaster and misfortune and sorrow... beyond
 bitter sorrow.

        That is not encouragement.  That is not joy.  That is not hoping for
 a better place, a better world, a new improved you, or even for things to be
 "just okay."

        That is a pit den black hole useless nothing.  That is not what you
 need from me today.

        There are those who stare in miracles, those who believe in time,
 those who can stand up look terror in the face and lap it up suck it down
 blow it out.  But I know too much, and all I can do is attempt to learn how
 to hope.

        My eyes were too open when I walked in that room and I saw things I'd
 only read about with eyes full of dark evil joy and I knew what I knew and I
 could do no more.  I knew the effects, I knew the consequences full too well
 to become my friend Candide over here and forget just to make the pain go
 away.

        So many things that I wish I didn't understand.  There's a reason why
 I never wanted to grow up.

        I hate to be the bearer of bad vibes, but I'm watching and I'm
 staring and I'm looking at you and for the first time in my life, I'm
 worried about someone other than myself.  Nobody has ever cracked this
 hardened exterior like you have.
 
        Time is kicking me all over the place, although it seems to be your
 good friend.  It better keep doing its job -- not for me, not for anyone but
 you.

        Everything happens for a reason.
        Everything happens for a reason.
        Everything happens for a reason.
        Everything happens for a reason.
        Everything happens for a reason.
        Everything happens for a reason.
        Everything happens for a reason.
        Everything happens for a reason.

        If you say it enough times, it must be true.

        You're teaching me everything right now, but it's time for the lesson
 to end.

        Prove me wrong.  Please.

        .................................................................. 
  /\_/\                                                                    * 
 ( o.o )  (c) Anada e'zine                          anada391  by Gloomchen  o
  > ^ <                                                                     o
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