..............................................  
       .*              *                                              \   /\
     .* O . .   ..   ..O  ..    372            09 Jun 2001             ) ( ')
   .*   O O* o o  o o  o o  o                                         (  / )
  *  ***O O  O O  O O  O O  O                                          \( _)|
 *      O o  o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net            "Occupant"                   *
 *      O                                                                   *
  *.    o   |\      _,,,---,,_                                              *
       *    /,`.-'`'    -.  ;-;;,_                                          *
      *    |,4-  ) )-,_..;\ (  `'-'            by Infernal                  *
      *   '---''(_/--'  `-'\_)                                      *mE0w*  o
       *.                           .......................................*
         'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`       

        Do you understand how important this is to me?  Do you feel the
 tremor in my hands?  Are you listening?  I don't mean to bother you, really,
 but this means a lot.  Hello?  Are you with me?

        I don't think you're following me.  Do you feel that unfillable gap?
 Is that in you too, an almost physical abyss that you keep throwing lovers
 and drugs into, hoping it'll heal over some day?  Would you set your arm
 on fire if it meant not being numb any more?  Do you destroy because
 creating is so slow and painful, like giving birth your entire life?
 Would you kill your muse to make it shut up, to make it leave you alone, to
 make it stop giving you bad directions and sending you careening off the
 edge of your life and into misery?

        Have I gotten through to you?  Are you listening?  Are you awake?  I
 hate to nag.  It's just that this could be something you'll need to know
 later.  It could come to a point where you'll need to recall the words
 I've said to you, and if you don't have them, you'll be sunk.  Or are you
 sunk anyway?  Have you thrown away your last chance at peace?  Or did you
 have one?  Were you, are you, can you be content?  Does any measure taken
 now stand a chance of making a difference later?  Or does it all come to
 nothing, and is it wasted breath for me to even warn you that the bridge is
 out ahead, that the game is rigged, and that we've all been dealt a shitty
 hand with a marked deck by a supercilious world and we need to leave the
 table while we've still got the pride on our backs?

        Please respond.  RSVP.  Drop me a line.  Send me a smoke signal.
 Shoot a flaming arrow into my chest, just notice me.  Hear me.  Listen to
 me.  Don't tune me out.  I'd rather you listen and hate than ignore and
 shrug.  I don't just warn you for you, I do it for me, to salvage what
 little I have in me, and to earn your trust and your gratitude.  I do it for
 me.  I do it for me.

        After all, who are you?  What are you?  Sawdust and straw in a
 vacuum, foam rubber and heated coils waiting in suspended animation for me
 to conduct you, to electrify you with purpose and animate you.  How dare
 you make a move without me?  You contradict me as if you had any say in the
 matter.  Where are you going?  Why don't you react?  How far do I have to go
 to regain control of this situation?  This is an outrage!

        Hello?  Now what have I done?  Where is everyone?  It's never been
 this dark and silent.  I can't believe this has happened.  All I wanted to
 do was help.  Help me, yes, but help you too.  Why didn't you listen?  Why
 couldn't you see the good I had in mind for you?  I had it all figured
 out!  Now no one is here to help me.  No one.

        Wait -- I hear someone.

        Hello?

        Are you there?

        Do you understand how important this is to me?

        .................................................................. 
  /\_/\                                                                    * 
 ( o.o )  (c) Anada e'zine                           anada372  by Infernal  o
  > ^ <                                                                     o
        ********************************************************************