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     .* O . .   ..   ..O  ..    347            05 May 2001             ) ( ')
   .*   O O* o o  o o  o o  o                                         (  / )
  *  ***O O  O O  O O  O O  O                                          \( _)|
 *      O o  o.*..o.*..o.*..o. .net        "Love and Marriage"              *
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      *    |,4-  ) )-,_..;\ (  `'-'           by Schoolboy                  *
      *   '---''(_/--'  `-'\_)                                      *mE0w*  o
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         'Anada is cat-friendly..o*`       

        I've got a bit of a weird view on marriage. It comes to something
 when something like marriage is termed "an institution".  Pairing for life
 in love is fine.  No problem with that, but why marry?

        If you're religious there is obviously a meaning and if you're
 bunny-rabbits-and-Steven-Spielburg sentimental it's a dream come true but to
 me it's just an expensive ceremony that used have tax benefits and meant you
 weren't living in sin.  The institution of marriage as an ideal has done so
 much damage on so many levels it's scarcely believable it's survived in
 society so long.

        When the less deep thinking social commentators - usually those with
 Margaret Thatcher haircuts and sideways smug smiles - look for a scapegoat
 on which to blame people's tendency not to only wish to listen to Frank
 Sinatra or only vote Republican, they blame "the collapse in marriage".  Now
 that's quite plainly garbage.

        Come on, marriage is not the cure for society's ills.  Society is
 people and people are people, married or not.  The "ills" of society are the
 ills of people.  Yup, that's right, Mr Bush, Mr Bush, Mr Reagan, Mr Right-
 winger, neither you nor I nor any of us can be perfect.  The worst of us
 will be shit heads married or not and the best of us will always be.  In
 fact marriage has the distinct and well documented potential to turn a
 fly-right into an evil asshole.  Or a gibbering alcoholic.

        Some fuck that, loads of people just aren't built to confidently and
 happily manage the pressures of marriage.  Below, the list:

 1.  It's a public commitment meaning if it fails there is a heightened level
     of social stigma and out right public embarrassment. You split up with
     your girlfriend, "plenty more fish in the sea."  You divorce, "oh, how
     will you recover?" - or "he's a divorcee - must be his fault."

 2.  You frequently, as a husband, get saddled with the Breadwinner dead
     horse.  Therefore, you frequently are forced to take a decent paid job
     as opposed to one you want just to get economically stable ASAP.

 3.  You're not quite right but because you had an unexpected kid you don't
     get divorced so one of you develops and addiction of some sort to cope.
     Chocolate, Alcohol, Cigarettes, Prostitutes.

 4.  Far more regular family get-togethers than just being boyfriend and
     girlfriend.  This leads to a greater potential for rifts or any number
     of things to go wrong.

 5.  Why someone marries you can throw up all sorts of issues.  If you're
     rich or famous and your partner isn't you get paranoid and start either
     considering not seeing them any more or drawing up a pre-nuptual
     agreement (mainly in an attempt to call their bluff).

 6.  If you're bisexual a whole host of extra pressures ensue that can tear a
     person apart.

        There's more than that but they're the main ones.  So why the hell
 does society (especially American and Japanese Society) expect marriage?
 When you think about it for any more than 20 minutes, you see the only
 concrete reason is religious, i.e. of no tangible importance.  They say it's
 so children can live in a respectable household.  It's society that's
 decided marriage is acceptable via religion so that's not a very powerful
 argument.  They say it just makes for better parenting.  What the fuck does
 that mean?  That simply can't be proven.  People don't suddenly become the
 mother from the Wonder Years when they get a ring on their finger.  You're
 gonna be good or bad no matter what.

        It's arguments like these that betray the dogmatic and thoroughly
 suspect motives behind the people making them.

        So my personal view is should my girlfriend crave the ring and title
 of marriage I'll agree to it, but it'll be for her benefit and it'll be a
 registry office affair; no church and flowers.  I view getting married as a
 sign of insecurity about the relationship.  You want something proven.  If
 you knew you loved each other marriage would be pointless.  So if you ever
 come to that fork in the road just ask yourself if love should equal
 marriage.

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 ( o.o )  (c) Anada e'zine                          anada347  by Schoolboy  o
  > ^ <                                                                     o
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