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 .   .   .   .  .   .  .   .  .   .              "Paint The Town"
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  . . .  .   .   . . .  . . .  . . .               by SlainElf


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        top or maybe tip of the world would suffice.  but it never will
 happen.  so onto the next: stationary; still and not silent.  better?  no,
 but who cares?  probably everyone.  and if it, more like if that would have
 happened, top of the world, painting the town or something.  make the call
 and it may work.  disassociative disorder; too aware and detached from it
 all.  to away to try.  try, that would be beautiful.  never once tried so
 stop complaining.  ok.  never beautiful.  last word is a must though.  or at
 least being mean last.

        feeling guilty later.  no apologies though.  not that apologies
 unnecessary, not able.  not that not conciously able, not contactable.  no
 way.

        two.  thinking of one after another.  but justifiable i guess.  the
 one that is getting away is almost gone so why not the one that already left
 but subsequently wanted to come back.  at least attempt was made i think.
 but again, pride of being able to be the last one being mean.  and look at
 them.  they could be the same person.  fickle, moody, indecisive to a tee.
 my traits or more shared by them?  both, or all three i guess.  i just
 learned contention for a little while though at least.  and ready for more.
 but not the second mentioned.  too young.  both actually.  too young.  could
 have said something at least though.  my wish list was too long.  longer
 than should have been.  be still and silent.  stop expectations.  too many
 let downs.  no too many expectations.  never even knew or will know that
 they let me down.  no blame on others.  just sick of not being able to read
 people while trying unsuccesfully to be so readable.  but never works.

        can't stand it.  oh hi, how are you today?  (will try bluntness) will
 you marry me?  ok it's a lovely day for a daydream.  sometimes.  can never
 be blunt.  and maybe that's too foward of a daydream.  so try again.  love
 the daydream though.  remember when it seemed like we had a mutual desire to
 do something?.  then i probably fucked it up with that author.  making you
 read that was a mistake.  good for you though.  bad for me.  knowing that
 may have changed things, i wouldn't do things differently.

        stained shirt.  had to love that.  didn't work though.  independent.
 both too independent.  hold my hand in public one day.  just as friends.  we
 could paint the town anyway.

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  .           anada 191                   by SlainElf  (c)2000 anada e'zine .
      
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