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          A           "The First and The Last"         aNAda #4    A
        A                                                            A
     A                    by Big Daddy Bill            02/01/00         A
 A                                                                          A
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 This is the only thing I've wanted.
 To kiss you, or to have you, or to need you.

 How many times have I said it?
 You haven't listened, or even watched my lips move.

 Now the air is thick with isolation.
 Everytime I take a breath, I slowly sink into my shadow.

 The fall leaves laugh and play in the yard.
 While the cars noisely chatter and brush by each other.

 I am so alone.  I am so afraid. 
 And the coldness that's curling up inside my bones...
 chills my heart.

 I feel like I'm standing on a bustling street, 
 screaming at anyone who walks by, 
 and they turn a deaf ear to my ranting.

 I have a point.  I have had a point before.
 Now I try and make assurances that I can't even believe.

 I stutter and trip over the errored words, 
 and they fall nonchalantly off of my tongue,
 so rough and dry with aspiration.

 You figure it out.  You let me know.
 I couldn't even make you happy. 

 What use am I to your shapeshifting ways?
 How can I even be a man in your eyes?

 When all my questions are answered, 
 my happiness will come from within.
 And finally, I will be at peace.

 But I know better.  I've wondered too much
 too fast. 
 And done nothing at all.

 Eventually, even the sun will disappear.

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 {  (c)2000 aNAda e'zine *                  * aNAda004 * by Big Daddy Bill  }
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